Unpleasant - Bitter Discoveries

deraaa in Ladies of Hive • last year

_{Pexels - Tuur Tisseghem & edited on Canva}

The Process

Self harm is destructive but it isn't subjected to only physical wounds.

I'm a girl in my early twenties. I have a lot to learn about myself, people and life in general. Times like these is when I wish that I had a magic wand. But I don't, so the process is gruesome.

I am quickly processing as a girl that a lot of things happen to people even without their knowledge. This makes me wonder if I have been living in denial; denying that I may actually need help.

My childhood wasn't dark but it wasn't normal. It took me a while to fully grasp that even if I do not let my environment define who I am as a person, It could very much still be a part of me, coupled with unpleasant experiences, it could fester and turn into something more.

DANGER

I fell into a loop a couple of days back when I noticed some recurring patterns with my life and then I read a post today by one of my favorite Hivers and I could no longer deny the truth that I may actually need therapy. Is it something I like to admit? No. But the truth hurts even when we wish it didn't.

I had decided to take my personal growth seriously and maybe that is why I'm beginning to see things about myself I hadn't before. Things I definitely do not like. Things that spell DANGER for my future in capital letters. Things that point to where I come from; who I came from.

I'm not proud to admit that I am very superficial and this is beginning to affect my person, how I see people and life. I have honestly never been this confused before, and now that I look back, this monumental problem built over time; little things here and there falling over themselves and now, it has exploded.

Bitter Truth, Unknown Path...

Building and trying to become a better version of myself, it's like a curtain was pulled back for me to see all the skeletons, all the lies and dirt I thought I swept under the rug. It's awful. The truth is never sweet. I get that.

I won't lie and say that I'm not scared of a lot of things right now. Discovering these things is good but where do I go from there? Should I actually begin therapy? Can I trust someone enough to let them in like that? Is this the reason my mind is so closed up and I don't actually let anyone past that invisible line? How do I begin to heal when I don't even know what exactly I should begin healing from and how? What if the person I need to heal from is me?

Final words...

Okay, March. What a month. When I wrote down those goals, I never thought…I actually never thought I'd hit…whatever this is.

I guess this is what happens when you are actually growing. You are confronted with truths about you that you may not be able to swallow. Things that indicate that you need to stop and reflect and also do better.

#ladiesofhive #archon #vyb #dreemport #life #neoxian #alive

last year in Ladies of Hive by deraaa

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charlissy last year

maybe a detox can do you good. your gut is very closely connected to your psyche.
Try kefir :)
kefir has been very good for me the last few months.

greets

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deraaa last year

What's Kefir? I'll still look into it though.

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charlissy last year

there is once the water kefir and once the milk kefir (and some more)
I have also written a longer post about it, but in german.
both are fermented drinks
the lactic kefir is special because the bacteria are a symbiosis of yeast fungi and lactic acid bacteria, which is not otherwise found in nature.
in natural yogurt there are only lactic acid bacteria
and in fermented beer there are only yeast bacteria
however, these bacteria only occur as long as the products are not pasteurized and homogenized.
during fermentation, lactic acid bacteria are formed, which ensure the development and maintenance of healthy intestinal flora. they also provide additional nutrients for the body.
i can write a lot more about this
but i leave that to you to inform yourself

greets :)

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deraaa last year

Oh wow. Thank you so much.

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ladiesofhive last year

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ladytoken last year

You have received 1.0000 LOH for posting in Ladies of Hive. We believe that you should be rewarded for the time and effort spent in creating articles. The goal is to encourage token holders to accumulate and hodl LOH tokens over a long period of time.

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deraaa last year

Thank you very much 😊

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seki1 last year

You just need some time out to relax, rest and reflect
The 3 R's....

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deraaa last year

Yep. That's obvious. Hehe

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jhymi last year

One of the first things I told you when we started interacting is that admire your strength, your zeal, your willingness to push forward despite the odds against you. I still think that now. You're a strong lady, and I hope you stop being too hard on yourself. Maybe that therapy would be good, but whatever the circumstances are, know you have a friend in me, and no matter what life throws at us, we would overcome it. Together.
Love you.❤️💜

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deraaa last year

You're just the sweetest thing. And yeah, I may be too hard on myself but I also know that If I'm to be more than I am right now, then I will have to be brutally honest with myself. I don't know any other way to do it. I love you and appreciate you dear. Thank you😊❤️

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jhymi last year

Always hear for you darling. It's a pleasure.❤️

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ibbtammy last year

@deraaa dear this is just a phase, at some point in our lives we have to ask ourselves some pertinent questions and the answers we get might not be good but it is normal.

During Covid period i was so scared of a lot of things, so scared of becoming a total failure, scared of love and how people saw me. I had just graduated from school then, so it felt like i did great in school but failed in life, it weighed me down greatly, it stole every ounce of joy and happiness i had inside of me.

I don't know if all of these i have said relates to whatever you're going through but just bear it in mind that its only a phase, you'd come out of it bigger and better❤️🙂

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deraaa last year

Thank you so much for this beautiful comment. And yes, I relate with most of these. Especially feeling inadequate. But it is a phase and I will overcome.

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hoosie last year

!LUV - you are strong enough !

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luvshares last year

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deraaa last year

Yeah I am. Thank you so much

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grindan last year

Giving yourself grace is always a good first step. Remember that we are all flawed, all just trying to figure this nonsense out. 💚 I'm proud of you for not only taking the time to make these considerations, but then sharing them with others! That's incredibly brave, and it just may give someone the strength to do the same. You're amazing ladybug, keep moving forward. 🤗 !LUV !LADY !PIZZA !LOLZ

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luvshares last year

Made with

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lolzbot last year

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Nothing, they just hung out and chilled.
_{Credit: reddit}
@deraaa, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of @grindan

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PLAY & EARN $DOOM

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deraaa last year

Thank you so much Grin!! I really needed these words and I will continue to move forward.

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pizzabot last year

PIZZA!

PIZZA Holders sent $PIZZA tips in this post's comments:
@grindan_(2/10) tipped @deraaa (x1)

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innerblocks last year

Thanks for sharing your experience with us!
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You have been curated by @grindan on behalf of Inner Blocks: a community encouraging first hand content, and each individual living their best life. Come join the Inner Blocks Community , and check out @innerblocks! #lifehappening

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