I am broken. Part 1

in LeoFinance10 days ago

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Damaged or altered by or as if by breaking source

To crush the spirit of source

I am not sure if this will be one post or a series of posts. With all the positivity, blunt hard love, posts I have been giving you and I going to share with you the fact that in truth I am a broken man. And how Hive, in particular, CTPTalk, WeAreAliveTribe and Leo Finance is contributing to my well-being.

Although I may be broken does not mean that I stop or I have failed in life. It means I have to work harder at being the best I can be, and being more positive than I really feel. And that leads to being more positive.

When did it happen? It was not overnight. I did notice it happening over time. But I can assure you that it started eight and a half years ago when my wife was first diagnosed with bowel cancer.

It is crushing when you receive the news. The places your mind goes in unbelievable. You try to make sense of things. I believe it is the brains way of dealing with.

I was off work at the time as I was recovering from a work accident and you start to rationalize that things happen for a reason. I was off work, my accident happened so I would have time to look after my wife.

I am not a believer in ‘things happen for a reason’. I know many will disagree with me, but I believe things just happen. There is no karma. My wife did not get cancer because of anything she did or did not do in life. In her case it is genetic. Many family members have had it. A genetic defect you could call it.

In the end, it really does not matter does it. It has happened, we have to deal with it, we have to live and die with it.

The first indication that I can think of that manifested itself to show me that I am broken is my love of music. I now basically hate music. If I am listening to the radio (I know listen to talk radio) and a they tell me or a song comes on I quickly turn off the radio. I find that music and most singing now is just noise to me. There is not enjoyment and mostly bothersome.

Now I can still listen to some music from earlier in my life so I had to investigate that.

From Why Are We Obsessed With Our Teenage Music?

“Findings showed that music that charted during one's adolescence was rated as more failure and was also linked with more autobiographical memories. Music related reminiscence bump peaks at roughly age14. Popular songs when participants were this age overall evoked the most memories.

Adult participants roughly 40+ years old liked more songs from their teenage years than other songs. But younger adults aged 18-40 did not exhibit the same trend. In some cases gave lower liking ratings to music from their teenage years that music released before they were born.

The findings suggest that songs from our teenage years can become closely entangled with important memories from our past even if we personally do not value the music. This may be due to the accompanied various memorable settings in this period such as gatherings of friends, school dances, and graduations.’

So it would seem that there is an association between the love of music and what you are going through in your life. Make some sense to me. What about you?

Maybe I should try listening to some new music while writing blog posts for Hive. As Hive is always a positive experience for me, my brain might start associating that with some songs and I can get some love of music back from this decade.

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Bradley
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I think you're doing a great job of staying positive and not giving up. I don't really completely believe in the whole things happen for a reason philosophy either. They just happen. I don't listen to much music either. Especially not from this century. When I listen to music it's usually music from the 1950s to around 1990 or so. I love Spotify because I choose what to listen to. Don't listen to the regular radio because commercials annoy me.
!ALIVE
!CTP
!PIZZA PLAN

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Maybe it is all part of our age? 😉

!BBH

That must be it 😀
Enjoy your day, Bradley
!ALIVE
!CTP

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Good Morning and Thank you, @youarealive! Enjoy your day.😀

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Good Morning and Thank you, @youarealive! Enjoy your day.😀

Praying with you and your wife ... and SOMETIMES, your brain does need new music ... to get through new territory, sometimes you need new information...

Thanks for that 😀

!BBH

@deeanndmathews! Your Content Is Awesome so I just sent 1 $BBH (Bitcoin Backed Hive) to your account on behalf of @bradleyarrow. (7/50)

Hi @bradleyarrow sending prayers to your wife.
🙏🙏🙏🙏
Barb 💖

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Thanks so much 🙏

!BBH

@adcreatordesign! Your Content Is Awesome so I just sent 1 $BBH (Bitcoin Backed Hive) to your account on behalf of @bradleyarrow. (3/50)

Sometimes you just want a change and it's fine to do so. I am sorry for hearing about the bad things that happened.

As for music, I honestly have never cared about it too much. Of course, so long as it fits or it isn't that far out of place, I will listen to anything. I am so used to playing games and if I started hating that, I don't know what I would do.

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I would like to think you would adapt.

!BBH

@jfang003! Your Content Is Awesome so I just sent 1 $BBH (Bitcoin Backed Hive) to your account on behalf of @bradleyarrow. (3/50)

Hugs, just all the hugs. Your attitude about life has always been an inspiration to me my friend, and I'm curious to hear if you start listening to music while crafting posts.

And in regards to the broken thing, mended broken things are awesome because we can all identify with the authentic realness such things present to the rest of the world. That you are willing to share your brokeness says a lot about how magnificent of a soul you are. Seriously, all the hugs😊

!PIZZA

Thanks so much. 😉 wait for park 2 .

!BBH

@generikat! Your Content Is Awesome so I just sent 1 $BBH (Bitcoin Backed Hive) to your account on behalf of @bradleyarrow. (7/50)

I feel for the pain and challenges that you've experienced Bradley. I'm grateful that in Hive you've found a positive, beneficial, and meaningful focus, and that you are able to use it as a framework for expressing yourself authentically. Thank you for sharing. 😁🙏💚✨🤙

Thanks 😀

!BBH

Most definitely! 😁 🙏 💚 ✨ 🤙

@tydynrain! Your Content Is Awesome so I just sent 1 $BBH (Bitcoin Backed Hive) to your account on behalf of @bradleyarrow. (8/50)

!LUV

Your words are heartfelt.

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Thank you 😊

!BBH

@metzli! Your Content Is Awesome so I just sent 1 $BBH (Bitcoin Backed Hive) to your account on behalf of @bradleyarrow. (10/50)

Thank you for sharing. I am sorry to hear about what happened. Many things that happen do not fall into any pattern. But with every thing that happen lies an opportunity, a decision and a new tomorrow.

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Absolutely it does 😀

!BBH

@vaynard86! Your Content Is Awesome so I just sent 1 $BBH (Bitcoin Backed Hive) to your account on behalf of @bradleyarrow. (6/50)

Not sure I would call it "something happens for a reason" or "karma".
Certainly "cause and effect" holds true.
In business we have strategic plans to bring about a favourable outcome.
In nutrition we know that certain foods are likely to cause something bad.
Cancer as such is the very much the same. Maybe a genetic disposition. Maybe something else.

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That makes sense 🤔

!BBH

@rpren! Your Content Is Awesome so I just sent 1 $BBH (Bitcoin Backed Hive) to your account on behalf of @bradleyarrow. (4/50)

I don't believe that every thing happened for a reason. My believing system told me that, when you are in a wrong place at the wrong time, anything can happen. And tht is what we call, unforseen circumstances.

You self motivation in everything is contagious.

Thank you, I don't know how many parts this will be, but I am going to lay out my bare sole

!BBH

@ijelady! Your Content Is Awesome so I just sent 1 $BBH (Bitcoin Backed Hive) to your account on behalf of @bradleyarrow. (19/50)

I can't claim to be an expert on either music or memories, but turning off the radio or leaving for another room when music comes on is familiar. I only do that for music with singing though. Instrumental music is fine for some reason, regardless if it's classical music like Pachelbel's Canon, or something classic like Al di Meola, John McLaughlin and Paco de Lucia playing around with their guitars.

Sorry to hear about your wife. I hope she is ok. As ok as one can be with a cancer diagnosis. Strength an !LUV to you both.

Thanks, hopefully I will delve deeper into things in part 2 tomorrow.

!BBH

@treefrognada! Your Content Is Awesome so I just sent 1 $BBH (Bitcoin Backed Hive) to your account on behalf of @bradleyarrow. (20/50)

I strongly believe that things just happen, not for any specific reason.
I also believe that bad things shouldn't be sympathized with rather, actions should be taken to bridge the gap it created or avoid it from happening again.
I love your possibility and struggle life.



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!ALIVE

- @jmis101 - Moderator


This post has been curated by the Alive And Thriving Team, we curate good content in the We Are Alive Tribe that is on topic for #aliveandthriving, and it's included in our daily curation report on @aliveandthriving, plus @youarealive is following our Curation Trail.

Thanks. I will hopefully talk about all that in what I am hoping to be a multi part series of posts. Part 2 tomorrow. Laying my sole to the Hive world

!BBH

I'm grateful that you feel that you're able to express yourself here Bradley. May doing so help you heal (return to wholeness)! 😁 🙏 💚 ✨ 🤙



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Thanks so much 🙏

!BBH

@aliveandthriving! Your Content Is Awesome so I just sent 1 $BBH (Bitcoin Backed Hive) to your account on behalf of @bradleyarrow. (9/50)

Absolutely brother! 😁 🙏 💚 ✨ 🤙



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@aliveandthriving! Your Content Is Awesome so I just sent 1 $BBH (Bitcoin Backed Hive) to your account on behalf of @bradleyarrow. (21/50)

@bradleyarrow! You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE to your account on behalf of @aliveandthriving. (15/40)

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🍕 PIZZA !

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Hi @bradleyarrow try listening to some uplifting music from your era 😊
Barb
!BBH
!CTP
!ALIVE

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@adcreatordesign, sorry! You need more $ALIVE to use this command.

The minimum requirement is 1000.0 ALIVE staked.

More $ALIVE is available from Hive-Engine or Tribaldex

😀 Thanks Barb 😀

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@bradleyarrow! You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE to your account on behalf of @stdd. (3/20)

The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.